A Passing Summer
by twentyfour.mad
Summary: Karen learns of someone's passing. This is a one-shot of some of her memories, and what she plans to do now she knows that this person is no longer in her life anymore. Vague summary because of SPOILERS in relation to Ep 13 of Season 7. Please R&R!


**A Passing Summer**

**Dedicated**: _To Huddyalways-24-BK-MA for her Birthday, today._

**Spoilers**: _Day 7 Ep 13_

**Setting**: _Day 7. Karen learns of someone's passing._

* * *

Bill Buchanan. Everyone knew that- that man, was so full of assurances and promises. Well he had to be if he was to maintain order, in his positions at work. But unlike most people- Bill never failed to keep his word- well there had never been a time Karen could remember anyway.

______

Reminiscing back to the day, she likes to think that she, single handily took over CTU as her own- she hadn't trusted Bill from the word go. Hah- she had hardly even thought of him highly. Because if she as a leader was anything to go by, she wasn't exactly the most trustworthy of people, so Karen assumed- why should you trust someone who holds the same amount of power over another Government Agency?!

Yeah- sure she had heard of his 'cool' calm manner through the cruellest of situations- but reputation meant next to nothing to Karen- well the old Karen anyway.

Funny things her training and the FBI taught her. As it taught her- to get anywhere, you had to work better, faster than anyone and everybody else, and learn quickly from mistakes. No thanks to the beginning of her career, did this in fact make her a control freak and a workaholic- and there was no doubt that both of these qualities contributed towards the fact she had a nearly perfect record upon moving to Homeland Security.

Arriving at CTU- for the first time- she was surprised to see how clear-headed Bill was even after going through such a tragedy, where most of his employees had perished. After the incident, he had risen back, as if stronger and for a split second upon seeing this strength she was afraid that she was not going to easily take charge of the agency.

She later realised although Bill was not outwardly shaken, he wasn't standing in her way as such.

But she still presented herself with superiority and made sure she could complete the task of absorbing CTU without Bill.

She had managed of course- to fully take over CTU, even if she had to use some coercion on her behalf, but she reassured herself, it was all for the benefit of completing a task set and stopping the terrorists from harming more civilians.

She had almost believed that dismissing Buchannan had corrected everything, and that by dismissing the head- she got rid of the problem that had caused CTU to perform so inconsistently. Boy- had she been wrong. After hours of work, an idea regarding that Logan was involved with a conspiracy with the day's events was presented to her by Shari. And although the idea seemed outrageous at first, Karen couldn't deny- it made sense.

In the end Karen found herself hauling Bill back to covertly recover a recording that was the main evidence in being able to prove Logan was part of the conspiracy

The day wasn't over without encountering more problems along the way- including betrayal, kidnap, and of course the attempt of ending a major terrorist threat.

While walking back from the office, Karen still felt she couldn't claim as her own, but rather Bill's- she couldn't help but think that if she didn't come into CTU so ignorant and tried so hard to pry CTU from Bill's reassured grasp- the situation during the day may have been resolved earlier.

She later realised, everything was always all right under Bill's guidance and she wished she knew that earlier.

The day ended, and she was firstly amazed to see how she as a person had changed after one of the craziest days she'd ever encounter, and secondly how drawn she had become to a man just hours ago she disliked with disdain- and had only met previously briefly during meetings- where they would have discussed, methods, tactics and other outstanding issues.

Leaving that day from CTU, that day she kept replaying the moment Bill had kindly offered an invitation of Breakfast and her rain check she had promised him in return. She never thought the day would end on such a happy note.

Everyday thereafter, promises were made by him and kept.

Everyday, even when she was miles away from him in Washington D.C.

He said everything would be okay.

He was right, in the end.

Everything was all right.

_____

She collapsed.

Her heart- broken.

Bill was dead.

Bill had been the other part of her.

And now she was nothing without him.

Tears streamed down her face, as the phone fell to the floor.

She backed into the wall and crumpled to the ground.

She sat there for hours.

Crying.

Wishing.

In denial.

She was nothing now, without him.

The cat Bill and she had picked out just over a year ago, feeling her pain huddled up with Karen.

'_Died Protecting The President'_

Was telling her that meant to make her feel any better? Because it didn't.

'He died, breaking my heart' She screamed out.

He was meant to be on the sidelines far away from the fighting, the torture, and the death.

How had she even managed to let him go from their home?!

She picked up the closest object to her, the phone, and in anger and frustration she hurled it across the room into the wall- hearing a not-nearly enough satisfying loud bang and a crack as the phone broke and hit the wooden floor boards.

Some many hours later, she somehow collected her remaining strength and made her way to Bill's den, sitting herself down at his desk.

The memories of him inside the room of his, started flooding back, and she couldn't help but cry even more.

She opened the bottom desk drawer and pulled out a beautifully engraved mahogany box that he had been given to him by an old work colleague. She placed it on the desk and opened it ever so slowly.

A revolver was placed neatly inside.

When it was bought, neither believed it would be used.

Bill still thought it was better safe than sorry to have it.

But still she never wanted it in the house.

Karen stared at the object- in particular the perfectly polished barrel.

She knew it hadn't been touched for a long time- and that it had just been collecting dust in the drawer.

Was she ready? Was this the end for her too?! Could she pull the trigger?!

She couldn't believe there was anything left in her life to for her to continue living.

She leaned into the leather seat, her head resting on the cold leather back.

She reached her hand towards the almost appealing object, heaving a sigh.

If this would make it so, she'll be with Bill forever more; she'll take this chance.

But she retracted when her finger touched the gun, as her eye caught sight of a folded paper tucked obscurely in a pocket attached on the inside of the wooden box.

She was going to ignore the paper but her curiosity got the better of her and she pulled out the note, and caught a whiff of the scent of the person who had previously touched it.

Bill's scent.

She stared at the paper, stunned, frightened and afraid.

She didn't know if she should read it, or if she would manage to without breaking down.

Karen curiously wondered what was written inside.

Shakily she opened the folded note.

She paused to close her eyes, and slowly opened them back up- nervously she read the words scrawled on the white sheet.

_'My beloved Karen'_

She gasped upon reading the first few words. A note to her. From her Bill. She braced for the next words.

_'You have found this note, for I believe- only one of three reasons._

_The first being, because you decided to clean the revolver. Which is highly unlikely, as firstly you dared to never touch it in your lifetime unless ultimately you needed to, and secondly- I doubt the slow life you're living is really that dull, that you are at a loss of tasks to do- that you would end up cleaning a revolver. (I also doubt you know how to clean a revolver, no offence, darling)_

_The second possibility is that, you have run to the gun to arm yourself- that of course was the main reason of having the gun in the house in the first place. But I'm sorry; darling this also is highly unlikely- unless Vermont has miraculously become a warzone since the time I have left on this little venture to Washington D.C. But if this is the case, God be with you in this time I can not be there to protect you._

_The last being- the reason of which I hope is not true for both you and me- and that is I am no longer in this world, and knowing you and how much the passing of someone close to you affects you- you are resorting on turning a gun on yourself so the pain can go._

_Karen. Stop. I need you think for a second._

_Is my passing really all that you need to end your life also?!_

_My answer to this question is NO, and so should yours._

_I need you to be strong Karen, I know you can do that, you showed me that the first daytime we met at CTU. And I know you will continue to be strong._

_Please Karen. As my last ask._

_Please do not end your life for me. I'm not worth that much._

_I know you might think otherwise.'_

"Damn well I do, Bill" she shouted.

_'But truthfully, I am just one passing Summer that has held on long enough, and just needs to blow away for the Fall to come._

_I'm just one part of your life. You survived before you met me, right?! Even after all those memories, we've had. More memories will come._

_Even though you're so used to the summer, remember it'll always pass- and you always have to live with that, so please, learn to embrace the fall- and everything else that comes your way._

_There was always a chance that I could potentially die in this attempt to uncover the corruption in the government, and you and I both knew that, even though we both didn't mention it. You were brave in letting me go. I'm so proud of you._

_Thank you for being the light I finally found in my life. Thank you for everything, Karen. Thank you for being you._

_Even if the first time we met, for the first few hours weren't my fondest of memories- they are still memories nevertheless- and I love you for being that woman and the women I have loved for these past years._

_I need you to know that you're extraordinary, you're humorous, you're smart, you're beautiful, and you're strong, stronger than you could even know._

_Thank you my light. Now hold onto that light of yours, don't let it go out, protect it._

_That's my last wish, Karen- be strong and hold on._

_I love you. Never forget._

_God be with you for the remainder of your long life._

_Love your husband,_

_Bill xx_

_~Thank you, my love~'_

She started crying again, and slammed the revolver box lid close.

_'Be Strong'_

"Hah- How?!" Karen muttered.

_'So used to the summer, remember it'll always blow away'_

"I can't leave those sunny days, Bill…. I can't leave…. I don't know how to move on…." she whimpered

"How am I to be strong and move on – if all I had was you, Bill?!" She cried out aloud

She continued sobbing- her hair and face a complete mess.

'All those memories, are all for nothing… now you're gone….'

She replaced the mahogany box into the desk drawer and leant back into he chair, falling easily into an exhausted dreamless sleep.

_____

He had promised her, he'd return safe and unhurt.

That was the last promise he ever made to her.

And it was first and final lie he'd ever tell.

* * *

_**Authors Note: I fear I have gone downhill on my ability to write, mostly due to the fact; I have not managed to conjure up a single story for some time. So I very much apologise for that. Also this fic was a little rushed- so I also apologise for all Contradicting Ideas, Grammar/Spelling mistakes found, etc.**_

_**Please do Review though, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**_


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